The Lioness in the Leo

Had a fun weekend, but can not help but have the uneasy feeling I will be jobless come xmas. My current job seems like a scam. They want perfection, yet once you are hired they no longer check for that perfection. Asinine. But I love it there. I love the hours, the compensation, and the one or two nice people I converse with. I hate the lead over my region and the others except one are really stuck up. I love the lady who hired me. Her assistant is really nice too. But I honestly despise the work. It is not too hard, but the standards make me have to walk on eggshells everyday and my family can see my stress visibly in my face. I just wanna bill and be paid. I don't care about promotions or work conditions other than simply wanting to not be stressed. Stress kills, this job may be the death of me. I hope not. I just want to work there until I die, retire, become disabled, which ever is which. Wish me luck. I have prayed everyday only to feel God may not want this for me. I know he ...

You know, The Weeknd aka Abel as we XOfam know him and call him, his art is not for everybody. It is so encouraging and special to see this vid and see how much others love his voice as much as we do. He is an inspiration and a classic story of rags to riches. He deserves all this praise and so much more. Abel's art is fresh, deep, poetic, and exactly what hip hop and alternate RnB needed. He is what music has been waiting on since the demise of MJ. Beautiful, treacherous, and angelic is his music and his soul. If they loved those they must listen to his MJ cover. It made me come to tears it was so beautiful. #xotwod #2XO15 #xoflood #manlookatthekidnow #xo #thehills #airhead #abelisbae

The link below is the fanfic I wrote and completed exactly 1 year ago.  I love The Weeknd as you all should know and I created a story based on true events and on some fiction due to the lack of good fan-fiction out there. I am going to see him and his awesomeness in December and decided to reintroduce this masterpiece about his tour life. It is spicy so read at your own risk. Enjoy.  https://www.wattpad.com/story/9428255-our-love-in-the-sky

That awkward moment when............ You contemplate the meaning of your life When you loose a fellow friend who was just as awesome as you are When you do excellent at work, but suddenly are not anymore You marry the wrong person Said person continues to make life hard for you every chance they get Your mother defends said person You get so angry that you ponder killing them or yourself You love your kids, but not getting up in the morning to take them to school Men want to be more than friends and you have sent no signs that you are interested Your family is officially against you being you, no matter how cringe worthy you are The pain of watching your grandfather grow old and wither into nothing, then die, be it peaceful When your two closest friends no longer talk to you on a daily basis Lonesomeness be it in love, friendship, faith, work, or family The only thing you see is people hating their jobs and lives around you The yearn to be free and be yourself but the on...

Whew. What a long ass week. Had the BGs and fevers on top of aunt flo invading my lady parts. It sucks being old and n shit. Hope all of you are good. Got back into Snapchat and Twitter lately. More fun than I thought. Can not wait for Halloween and candy and costumes. One of my fav holidays. Nothing better than a good scare. Hell this world we live in is  Halloween everyday if you think about it. So much death and hate and stupid running wild and free. All I can do is pray. Only 2 months before I head to Cali to see The Weekend. Can not wait. Getting more and more excited everyday. I will have to cop some tour shirts and beanies before I go though, as the line at the actual event is redonkulous!!!! Hope you all have a great weekend! Ciao!

Finally caught up on my Steven Universe! Peridot is so cute! lol That is all. Happy Friday to all the readers. Time to chill before work so I can get my focus ready for these freight bills. xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxooxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Non eventful week if you don't count the fight I had with my husband and my daughter missing school today due to a fever. Work is work, good and bad all at once. I am told I am doing well yet I feel otherwise. I finally bought a ticket to see my fav artist The Weeknd in concert in December. Can not wait to plan that little getaway. Just what the doctor ordered. Can no believe I am up so dam early I am usually back in bed lounging until I feel awake enough to do housework or cook. I still have yet to see any of Steven Universes new episodes and finally got acquainted with Empire again last night. Besides that I am good. I see I have audiences in Alaska and in Vegas and California. I wonder who ya'll are. It is kind of invigorating to know someone thought enough of me to read my mundane and crazy rants on life, love, and mothering. Stay chill my readers.

So, The Weeknd is supa famous now. And the tour is about to be live. I can not wait for that shit. I plan on going to the San Jose concert. It is going to be awesome. The cost has definitely gone up now that he is all that and a bag of chips. But so worth it for me. I can not wait. The job is good. Feeling pain in my wrists from frantic typing trying to keep my numbers up. I hope I can work there for years to come. Husband is well and kids are too, school looks good on them. No complaints of homework and evil teachers yet. As for me, I am getting over a bad chest cold and finally decided to have sex after a 1 month hiatus. Just old and tired mostly. Sex is just not my focus. Owning a home is and I am close to doing that. Reading a good book and snacking on tuna has been more exciting than TV lately and I managed to miss the new Steven Universe episode due to work. Dammit. I wonder what the rest of the week will bring. *knocks on wood to avoid bad shit from happening* lol If you have no...

The Weeknd has really outdone himself. This song with Ed Sheeran is my life! We buried the cremains of my grandfather this last Wed and I had really had a rough day...week...year...but when I have my favorite pastime (music) I can live through anything. My job is looking up for the better. I feel a lot more confident. Just some more fine tuning and I will be more than good, I will be great. Hoping to have a a regular weekend with eating and drinking and being merry. Everything for now is coming up roses, all the bills are paid, and my kids are happy. What else can a person want-just chasing the dream. I am a prisoner to perfection. So far I am happily locked up right now. That is all for now.

Selling my car to Carmax Thursday. Wonder what will happen. I hope it will be worth the trip. My aunt and mother went to pick up my grandfathers ashes today for his memorial services next week. I hate that the last I saw of him was frail and stiffening in the hospital just 15 min after his last breath. I am still smarting from the hurt. My supervisor shed love and light on my sadness and made me believe in humanity again. Life is a lot of things...short, crazy, frustrating, but it sure in the hell ain't easy. All that I have been through and I am only 34, dam, what a bazaar road ahead.

Almost time for the new episodes, wonder what else we are going to learn about the Crystal Gems...

A busy and fucked up week if I may say so myself. My grandfather died at 7:11pm Thursday August 13th and now my family is fussing and crying and fighting and all a hot mess. I never imagined the numbness I would feel. The hurt and the empty. I miss him already. RIP 1927-2015. The only thing I have left to look forward to is my trip to the beach next weekend. Santa Monica or bust. I need to get away from it all if just for a bit.

I legit love this so much! Awesome song and I am a huge Steven Universe fan! I watch because it is a good cartoon and I bond with my daughters by watching their shows.

     Planning a trip to Santa Monica. My hubby and kids have never seen the pier and that is a shame! I also want to show them Marina del Ray and Mothers Beach. Great childhood memories there with my dad and mom on lazy Cali Sundays. The breeze, the sun, the surf, and the shopping. Dam I am homesick. I can not wait! I also have pulled together a plan for buying my first home. All I need to do now is find a lender.            I have time though, but just the thought of making the American dream actually come true and work for my family is simply amazing. There are always so many hurdles for the African American/People of Color families when it comes to credit, homes, cars, and jobs yet me and my husband are finally coming up roses. It is pleasantly refreshing.

Long week at work, passed my test to become a Billing Specialist Trainee, and now I rest. Tonight will be full of drink and food and fun. Turing 34 on Monday has prompted me to celebrate tonight. It is nice to finally have something to celebrate about. With all the crazy going on in the world, it is good to just be lost in the quite and calm which is my boring little life. The rain outside in Las Vegas adds to the soothing of my nerves. Total bliss, welcomed after all the stress and work of the past few days. Happy Birthday to me.

I hate the fact that I cuss like a sailor, but it helps to get my point across. I also hate using that tactic to talk to my husband. It is hard enough to be around someone so traditional and then have your street and hood come out when you are defending something or an idea. Kinda embarrassing. I don't know why he married me at all. I would not have. Oil and water seems more compatible. No amount of counseling could fix us, yet he is still here. I don't know why. It is not love, not money, not sex either as I greatly have no appetite for it....not with anyone. I feel broken and lost. I do not know what will happen next but it has to be better than this.....

It is so much easier to me to get up in front of an audience of people and sing than it is to remember all these codes for billing at my new job. lol. Go figure, that's life. I have been enjoying the Steven Universe cartoon with my daughters more than I have any soap operas. I guess I am just a kid at heart. As I prepare for my 34th birthday soon I am at a lost to figure out what to do. Party, club, dinner, lounge. Ugh. Sushi and saki really sounds divine, but that is a norm for me now. Well back to studying these codes, watching the adventures of the Crystal Gems, and searching for ideal homes and gardens on Pintrest.  Love, peace, and chicken grease.

So upset over the hatred in this world. Why do others hate others over the mere color of their skin? A person is made up of so many other wonderful things than skin. You have intellect too. Conversing with others is stimulating and a good way to learn and teach one another. But I guess understanding does not make money and we need conflict for wars.....such a twisted necessary evil.

This blog will serve a ranting or raving place for all of the crazy shit going on in my mind. While I am a mother and a wife I will try to dump on her as a much as possible- as this will be therapeutic relaxation and art all at once.