I hate the fact that I cuss like a sailor, but it helps to get my point across. I also hate using that tactic to talk to my husband. It is hard enough to be around someone so traditional and then have your street and hood come out when you are defending something or an idea. Kinda embarrassing. I don't know why he married me at all. I would not have. Oil and water seems more compatible. No amount of counseling could fix us, yet he is still here. I don't know why. It is not love, not money, not sex either as I greatly have no appetite for it....not with anyone. I feel broken and lost. I do not know what will happen next but it has to be better than this.....
Selling my car to Carmax Thursday. Wonder what will happen. I hope it will be worth the trip. My aunt and mother went to pick up my grandfathers ashes today for his memorial services next week. I hate that the last I saw of him was frail and stiffening in the hospital just 15 min after his last breath. I am still smarting from the hurt. My supervisor shed love and light on my sadness and made me believe in humanity again. Life is a lot of things...short, crazy, frustrating, but it sure in the hell ain't easy. All that I have been through and I am only 34, dam, what a bazaar road ahead.
Comments
Post a Comment