I have always sought out peace and normality in my life, but have yet to find it. I feel the thing holding me back is love. While I love all of my friends, family, kids, mother, and acquaintances to pieces-I lack that love from an actual lover. I have (had) a husband who made me feel amazing, yet I will always have an inclining of pure unadulterated disdain for the type of treatment I received while hard at work. I sit on a precipice of being a single strong Black woman or stay and always wonder if this is the real deal. While I have love for, I don't feel in love with him. Sad, but true. There is no turning back on a scorned woman. Good luck to you, Dijuan.