I have been MIA for a long ass while. Been trying to figure some things out. Mostly love and money. Kids are great, mom is great, but I am stagnant. I have been struggling with my true purpose and value as a person. Searching for the meaning of my existing. There is a talent show at one of the casino resorts here in Las Vegas and that has kept me occupied and detracted from wanting to die. Suicidal thoughts have been kept at bay with arranging my vocals and planning my costume. I pray these feelings will go away someday and I will have a sunnier disposition. But for now I can only try to stay busy and pray. Stay strong readers...
Selling my car to Carmax Thursday. Wonder what will happen. I hope it will be worth the trip. My aunt and mother went to pick up my grandfathers ashes today for his memorial services next week. I hate that the last I saw of him was frail and stiffening in the hospital just 15 min after his last breath. I am still smarting from the hurt. My supervisor shed love and light on my sadness and made me believe in humanity again. Life is a lot of things...short, crazy, frustrating, but it sure in the hell ain't easy. All that I have been through and I am only 34, dam, what a bazaar road ahead.
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